Friday, April 27, 2012

Caffeine overload... Not likely!

My day started out simply... it didn't! I haven't been to bed yet.. Why you may ask? Simple.. pain. The lumpectomy was 2 days ago and for the most part it wasn't to bad. But last night it was a constant burning/stinging/itching driving you up the walls clawing to find some relief type of pain. Not exactly what I was counting on to get some much needed and adored sleep. So this morning the coffee pot was put on with some amazing Vanilla Creme coffee... and I am currently sipping it with my creamer of choice: York Peppermint Patty. I may even decide to fix breakfast for Kyle and I... But then again... maybe not.  

Okay, now back to the lumpectomy...

A month ago I had just jumped in the shower ready to enjoy the blissful scorching heat of the water, when my hand brushed up against my breast. I froze. The room began to spin, and the air was sucked out of my lungs, as well as the bathroom. Emotions pounded through me in waves. Christ I am only 27 I wanted to scream! I finally caved by laying my head against the cool bathtub wall, sobbing and trying to breathe. I made my doctors appointment the following day- Dr confirmed there was indeed a lump there (nah, really?) and send me over to the breast cancer institute.  When I arrived for my appointment I was the youngest girl there. Terrified doesn't begin to describe the emotions I was feeling. Once an ultrasound was done, they (being the doctors) decided because of my age a mammogram was a bad idea since breast tissue is so dense under the age of 32.. lucky me I get to wait a few more years before my boobs get turned into pancakes. My following appointment was with another doctor for a biopsy. I went to this appointment with a clear head, thinking I was fine. Until the doctor told me that the cyst/tumor/lump had grown a mm in a week. Okay... that freaked me out a bit. She suggested instead of just a needle biopsy it would be a better idea to just have the lump removed... and so I did. 

Surgery Day

Went in, was put to sleep, lump was removed and I was horrified to see my once smooth, semi curved beautiful breast had turned into a lumpy, swollen mass of yuck. I am normally not one for looks... but my breast looked...well... unnatural. Two days later, swelling as gone down, and my breast doesn't look near as bad as it did, but there is a large increase in reddness not just around the incision, but all around my breast (and I am a big girl, so my breasts are not small). So now I am torn with a decision to make.. Do I go back to the hospital and demand to know why I have a nagging feeling that my breast is infected with some odd hospital induced bacteria that wants to eat my breast tissue from the inside out... or do I wait and see what happens, continue applying ice packs and praying to the higher being that everything will be okay?  For now, we shall wait and see...

Why am I telling you all of this? Simple: There is so much on breast issues and breast cancer in your 30's, 40's, 50's and so on... But not much for in your 20's. The pressure you feel when you find that first lump, the tumult of emotions that cycle through your brain at such an epic speed that you can't focus on one thought at a time.. This is why I decided to write it down, sort of document my life and what is going on... as a Mother, a friend, roommate, whatever I seem to be to whom at the time.  

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