Monday, April 30, 2012

Earth Shattering....what?

Well, I can't honestly tell you why I am awake and moving around at 2:30 in the morning.  I can tell you that I had an awesome night Saturday! Kyle and I went to this little bar by my house.  It's a quiet little country bar.. Nothing too big, a couple pool tables, dart board.. bands on Friday and Saturdays (in the larger portion, we stuck to the small one!) Anyway, My blind date showed up, he was nice... ok.. Not really. I was actually pretty disappointed. I mean he's a decent looking guy. But from the minute he got there he started bitching about the cost of beer... it's 25 cents MORE than what he pays at his bar... Really dude? Thats why you don't drink Bud Light Platinum anyway! I stick to my Smirnoff Ice...  and my Goldshlogger shot.. he was ok for some decent conversation- although I can honestly say I wasn't thrilled with him. He didn't stay long, I can't help but think he was intimidated by Kyle... Lol!!! I think that is hilarious.. Kyle can be a hard ass yes, but he wont make a move without me saying so. He finished his beer, and told me he had to get up early so he had to get going.. in fact, he even told me "I swear I am not blowing you off" Not sure if I was able to pick up my jaw off the floor and recover in time... Really? In my experience, and please, correct me if I am wrong.. But "I swear I am not blowing you off" is right up there along with "It's not you, it's me" and all those other bull shit lines. I looked at Kyle after he left and I burst out laughing. I couldn't help it!! I mean really!!! So anyway, Courtney the Bartender (She's awesome, best bartender EVER!!) Came over to me when Kyle walked away, asking who the dude was. I told her it was my blind date, she looked at me and goes "but I thought you and Kyle were a thing!?" Once more my jaw hit the bar... huh? "noooo" I told her he was my roomate and my best friend. She just shook her head, and tried to talk me into dating Kyle... haha. I used his age as a reason, he is 6 years younger than me. She laughed and said she is dating a younger guy. She said its the best thing shes ever done. Yeah.. No.

Fast Forward: Courtney and I were talking and showing off pictures to each other. Me with the kids, her with her boyfriend. It was pretty good. Then this old guy comes out, looks at me and says.."Where ya been I was waiting on you to come back so you can dance with me!" EEK! I just laughed, shook my head and said I can't dance. EVERYONE in the bar called Bull shit on me! Even people who don't know me! wtf! So then this girl comes in selling roses and I told the old guy to buy a rose for his girl. He laughed and said no! Then he bought one for me! LOL.  It was a pretty blue rose! I was surprised and he said "Now you gotta dance with me" I rolled my eyes and went for it. Out on the dance floor, the guy was shaking his ass at me! I almost died laughing.  Kyle was watching and laughing. After the dance I told him I had to go and hauled ass outta there.

Sunday I woke up in a fantastic mood. Not sure why, but I did. Started cleaning without any coffee! For dinner I made some fantastic Crab and Shrimp Fried rice. It was beautifully yummy, and yes, I meant beautifully. Kyle loved it. Kids got home from their dad's and I gave them all baths... then it was bedtime.  I had been ignoring the pain in my breast all day.. I kept thinking maybe the string from the stitch was getting caught on my bra or something.. I went to take my bra off and it was definetly red...  all the way up. Lovely. The pain is still there.. and since I cant stand medicine, I refuse to take any. The area is a little warm to the touch. So Tomorrow I am planning on calling the doctors office and talking to her about it. I also think one of the steristrips is caught in the incision...  Which will hurt like hell when they go to pull it out! eek!

Currently as I am writing this I am listening to the dryer turning, and the radio going. Oh, Did I mention by chance that I am out of ciggarettes? I am trying really hard to keep from flipping out about it... Really I am.. Cant wait til morning though! I have been tossing the idea around my head about quitting, but I honestly don't think I am ready yet... But we will see...  If I do, you will be the first to know! Ta-ta for now everyone!

Friday, April 27, 2012

Caffeine overload... Not likely!

My day started out simply... it didn't! I haven't been to bed yet.. Why you may ask? Simple.. pain. The lumpectomy was 2 days ago and for the most part it wasn't to bad. But last night it was a constant burning/stinging/itching driving you up the walls clawing to find some relief type of pain. Not exactly what I was counting on to get some much needed and adored sleep. So this morning the coffee pot was put on with some amazing Vanilla Creme coffee... and I am currently sipping it with my creamer of choice: York Peppermint Patty. I may even decide to fix breakfast for Kyle and I... But then again... maybe not.  

Okay, now back to the lumpectomy...

A month ago I had just jumped in the shower ready to enjoy the blissful scorching heat of the water, when my hand brushed up against my breast. I froze. The room began to spin, and the air was sucked out of my lungs, as well as the bathroom. Emotions pounded through me in waves. Christ I am only 27 I wanted to scream! I finally caved by laying my head against the cool bathtub wall, sobbing and trying to breathe. I made my doctors appointment the following day- Dr confirmed there was indeed a lump there (nah, really?) and send me over to the breast cancer institute.  When I arrived for my appointment I was the youngest girl there. Terrified doesn't begin to describe the emotions I was feeling. Once an ultrasound was done, they (being the doctors) decided because of my age a mammogram was a bad idea since breast tissue is so dense under the age of 32.. lucky me I get to wait a few more years before my boobs get turned into pancakes. My following appointment was with another doctor for a biopsy. I went to this appointment with a clear head, thinking I was fine. Until the doctor told me that the cyst/tumor/lump had grown a mm in a week. Okay... that freaked me out a bit. She suggested instead of just a needle biopsy it would be a better idea to just have the lump removed... and so I did. 

Surgery Day

Went in, was put to sleep, lump was removed and I was horrified to see my once smooth, semi curved beautiful breast had turned into a lumpy, swollen mass of yuck. I am normally not one for looks... but my breast looked...well... unnatural. Two days later, swelling as gone down, and my breast doesn't look near as bad as it did, but there is a large increase in reddness not just around the incision, but all around my breast (and I am a big girl, so my breasts are not small). So now I am torn with a decision to make.. Do I go back to the hospital and demand to know why I have a nagging feeling that my breast is infected with some odd hospital induced bacteria that wants to eat my breast tissue from the inside out... or do I wait and see what happens, continue applying ice packs and praying to the higher being that everything will be okay?  For now, we shall wait and see...

Why am I telling you all of this? Simple: There is so much on breast issues and breast cancer in your 30's, 40's, 50's and so on... But not much for in your 20's. The pressure you feel when you find that first lump, the tumult of emotions that cycle through your brain at such an epic speed that you can't focus on one thought at a time.. This is why I decided to write it down, sort of document my life and what is going on... as a Mother, a friend, roommate, whatever I seem to be to whom at the time.